Not Bad
by Lavenderangel
Summary: Charlotte/Stacey. Charlotte wasn't sure when things changed... written for short takes.


Charlotte didn't tell lies. She was a good student and she did what her parents asked of her.

But she felt this was something she had to lie about. Because if she said what she wanted to, Stacey might not come over as much as she did. Charlotte wouldn't get to stay with Stacey when her parents went out of town, and she couldn't crawl into bed with Stacey when she was scared. As Charlotte got older, the Johansson's wouldn't ask Stacey to stay with her overnight. Stacey wouldn't share Charlotte's bed, because they both thought her sleeping in Charlotte's parent's bed was creepy.

Stacey stopped babysitting when she entered high school, Charlotte knew. She didn't seem to hang out with the other BSC girls, except sometimes with Claudia. But somehow, she still kept in contact with Charlotte. Charlotte was even in the top eight on Stacey's my space – not very high, but still.

But Charlotte imagined that was just the sort of thing you did for someone you said was like your sister.

Except, she didn't think of Stacey as her sister.

She couldn't pinpoint when it started. She couldn't remember the first time she and Stacey met. She remembered holding hands while walking outside, and bringing her earrings from France. She remembered always being disappointed when Stacey couldn't sit for her, even if it wasn't often. When Stacey had moved back to New York, Charlotte felt like she'd lost a part of her family.

But that was normal. That was okay. Stacey acted like she felt the same way.

It wasn't okay to love the sound of Stacey's laugh. To crave the scent of her perfume, so much so that Charlotte had demanded a bottle for her tenth birthday.

Especially since Charlotte knew the feelings would never be returned. Stacey had boyfriends. She had always had boyfriends. Charlotte had met a couple, and seen pictures of most. As she got older, Stacey would start discussing her relationships, venting here, gushing there.

Stacey liked boys. Stacey was normal. She might think Charlotte was sweet, might still make time for her. She would put up pictures of them on my space and not care if her friends teased her, but she couldn't understand this.

Charlotte knew what being gay meant. Byron Pike was like that though, not her. Not that Charlotte disliked him for it. Her parents had taught her better than that. Charlotte knew if she ever told them she was gay – which she wasn't! – That they wouldn't be angry with her.

But it wasn't their opinion that had mattered. A long time ago, she'd started valuing Stacey's above anyone else's. This had never been a problem, since Stacey supported all of her decisions.

Charlotte wasn't worried, though. Stacey would be going away to school soon. She'd applied for early acceptance to NYU at the beginning of her senior year, and had achieved it, just as Charlotte had promised her she would.

"You have to say that," Stacey had laughed, although it had been halting.

"No, I don't. I wouldn't say anything to you if it weren't true."

"What about when I got red highlights during ninth grade."

"Well…"

"Exactly."

"I was younger then," Charlotte defended. "I had no sense of fashion."

"Had I taught you nothing?!" Stacey smacked her arm.

"I can't win here, can I?"

"'Fraid not, Char."

Charlotte inched her hand closer to Stacey's, brushing her index finger over the back of it. "You will, though."

"I hope so."

She had. She graduated early, and left for the city after Christmas break. The goodbye wasn't as bittersweet as Charlotte had thought it would be. She wasn't as independent as Stacey had been allowed to be at Charlotte's age, but Stacey had promised to visit, and Charlotte thought with a little convincing that maybe she and Becca could be allowed to take a trip into the city.

They texted frequently at first. Stacey had always been more open when they weren't face-to-face, and she told Charlotte that college was hard. But gradually, their conversations got more sporadic and less sentimental. Charlotte told herself this was a good thing.

She didn't forget about Stacey – she never could. But it was easier to focus on the people her age. Charlotte joined the GSA her second week of high school, not because she necessarily identified with it, just because she supported it. As she predicted, her parents were fine with this. Vanessa and Nicky Pike were active members, as was Byron. Jordan and Adam were not.

Stacey became a friend Charlotte would occasionally talk to on my space. She was sad that their relationship was reduced to this, but it was for the best. Charlotte was certain of that.

"Why do you go to those meetings?" Becca asked her one day over lunch.

"What, the GSA?"

"Yeah."

"Why shouldn't I?"

"I don't know. Most of the people… well…"

"Are gay? That is the purpose of the club, after all."

Becca looked down at the table, nibbling more on her lip than her sandwich. "I know. But you're… you're not gay, right?"

"I don't know," Charlotte confessed. She hadn't told that to anyone. Becca had been her best friend since the second grade. Charlotte felt proud that their friendship seemed stronger than other girls. Still, there wasn't usually a secret she told Becca before she told Stacey.

Until now, that is.

"Is that bad?" Charlotte asked, not sure if she wanted to look at Becca.

"I don't know," Becca said slowly. They didn't speak, but neither of them got up and left either. When the bell rang, they didn't say goodbye.

"It's not," Becca said to her after school, touching her arm. Charlotte smiled.

It felt good to tell someone, not that Charlotte still knew anything for sure. She hadn't felt anything for anyone else since Stacey had left. Nicky asked her to walk home after a GSA meeting once, but it didn't feel like a date. They mostly talked about Byron, which Charlotte was okay with.

"Jordan and Adam aren't mean," Nicky attempted to explain. "They're just… they're just stupid. They – they used to not like me when I was younger, you know? They got over it. They can get over this, too. And I don't mind sharing my room with Byron. It's hard for all three girls to be in one room, but it'll be okay. I'm sure Mal can knock some sense into them when she comes home for thanksgiving," he finished. Charlotte wasn't really sure who he was trying to convince.

When she got home from school, she checked her myspace before starting her homework.

'Stacey is excited to be going home for thanksgiving!'

Something like electricity went through Charlotte. It was the jolt she'd get when Stacey would look especially pretty, or touch her for longer than she had to. She hadn't felt this way since their final hug the day Stacey left for school.

She dreaded that feeling, and yet it invigorated her. She didn't write to Stacey to say she was excited or to try and make plans. She would just… play it by ear.

The day before thanksgiving, Vanessa had organized a get-together for the GSA at the Pike's house. Charlotte went half for the social aspect, and half because of the proximity to the McGil's. To her surprise, Becca asked if she could come, too.

Charlotte wouldn't remember much about the party except for the disdain on Adam's face when he walked in with his girlfriend. "Let's go somewhere else," he'd said.

People had started leaving soon after, despite Nicky's protestations. Charlotte lingered, helping to clean up.

When she finally left, she saw an unfamiliar car in the Mcgil's driveway. Her heart lurched, and she wished Becca were with her, because Charlotte suddenly forgot how to make her feet work.

The front door opened and suddenly there was Stacey, looking as gorgeous as ever. She was texting as she walked to her car, her hair wet and hanging passed her shoulders. Charlotte stood frozen on the sidewalk in front of the house, trying to breathe.

Stacey looked up abruptly and their eyes locked. "Char?" she asked, and then her face broke into a smile. "Char!"

"Hi!" Charlotte said, her face splitting into a smile.

"How did you know when I'd be getting here?"

"I – I'm not here to see you." Stacey looked confused, and Charlotte winced. "I mean… there was… Nicky…"

"Are you too dating?"

God, this was going all wrong. "No, he had a party for the GSA."

"The…" oh, god. "Oh – oh. That's great."

"Yeah. It's fun."

"I'm glad."

"I – I am glad to see you, though."

"Me, too." Stacey stepped closer, and they hugged. It was tentative at first, but the longer it lasted, the more right it felt. Stacey still wore the same perfume. Charlotte sighed against her shirt.

"I missed you," Charlotte whispered as Stacey finally pulled away.

"I missed you too. I'm sorry we…"

"It's okay. We've both been busy."

"You want to come in?"

"I'd like that," Charlotte nodded. Stacey intertwined their fingers as though no time had passed.

"Char," she said as they walked back toward the house, Stacey's car still fully packed. "I'm in NYU's GSA, too."


End file.
